How could this happen? Seriously. 150 million units sold WORLDWIDE, which means there should be MILLIONS of original PS2 controllers everywhere, right? WRONG. 

I Remember when my PS2 controller broke in 2008, I knew what that was like, I since bought bootlegs upon bootlegs and they all BROKE, the surviving ones are all SHIT and FUCKING AWFUL because they designed by some poor chinese bootlegger at GUNPOINT and it was ONE THING OR THE OTHER, PRESSURE SENSITIVE OR ANALOG STICKS? most of the time? NEITHER.

I have 6 or 7 of these lying around my house, turning it into a landfill of broken PS2 controllers, all of them broken the same way, and all fucking H model, what was the issue? R2 button goes apeshit, and then other buttons following it, seems like a simple mechanical fix, right? Just clean it up with IPA and it's done, right? WRONG. DEAD WRONG.

Cleaning it? Doesn't help. Reflowing the solder? I SHORT CIRCUITED THE FUCKING THING, soldering a new pin connector in? IT DOESN'T WORK. Buying a controller that's not an H model and seems to be working? That's what I did that oooohhhhh.

Ooooh this new fucking A model I bought, let me tell you.

First off, I paid 90 reais for this shit. With the same amount I bought a Wii Classic Controller that works FLAWLESSLY, I bought Star Wars the Force Unleashed because for whatever reason it doesn't work pirated, it works NICE, I opened up a PS3 controller to clean it up, almost fucked it up, closed it back up and it's a JOY to play games with. This overpriced piece of shit I bought?

It was claimed to be original, and yet the rubber pads were shitty bootleg, the analog sticks weren't sensitive at all and were this weird shitty bootleg, the pressure pads are SHIT, the face buttons are wobbly and fragile and for whatever reason look like they were sanded, the cradle holding the PCB and flex cable is some shitty fragile gray BOOTLEG piece, at this point I have to wonder if this controller is ORIGINAL AT ALL.

EVEN WORSE, it's the same FUCKING H MODEL RIBBON CABLE SOLDERED INTO THE MOTHERBOARD, just the thing I wanted to ESCAPE FROM.

But whatever, I did my thing, cleaned it up, did what I could with the analog sticks that are too stiff and squeaky and don't actually have any real sensitive movement to them, put it back together and guess what? THE R2 BUTTON DOESN'T WORK FOR SOME FUCKING REASON

ALWAYS THE R2 BUTTON

EVERY SINGLE CONTROLLER, THE R2 IS EITHER GOING APESHIT OR NOT WORKING AT ALL, OFTEN TAKING OTHER BUTTONS ALONG WITH IT, YOU CAN'T SOLVE IT BY FIDDLING WITH THE SOLDER ON THE CONNECTOR NOR WILL YOU FIND A BREAK IN THE FLEX CABLE, IT'S A FUCKING MYSTERY AND NOT A MECHANICAL PROBLEM.

How 

how the FUCK is there so few original PS2 controllers on the second-hand market and they cost a fucking FORTUNE JUST to be this shit? I DON'T BELIEVE IN WORKING PS2 CONTROLLERS. I'M AN ATHEIST, ODD TINKERING YOU LIED TO ME.

Sony must've made a deal with the devil, to sell shitloads of PS2s, but the caviat being that there would be NO WORKING CONTROLLERS FOR IT IN THE WORLD. EVER.

EVER.

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My list of PS2 controllers

1. 2007 OG PS2 controller that came with my PS2 Slim (ribbon cable touched contacts in the MB, died in a power outage that shorted it)

2. 2007 Bootleg PS2 controller that my parents bought alongside it (Don't know what became of it, but it probably broke as well)

3. 2007 Wireless transparent one with cool watertanks on the handles (I actually really liked this one, don't know what ultimately became of it.)

After I got my Wii in 2009 I kinda forgot about my PS2

4. 2011 Bootleg hardware store controller I bought in either 2010 or 2011, it was actually good and useful and had pressure sensitive buttons, I beat MGS2 and 3 with it. That's how good it was. (Don't know how it broke or why I got rid of it)

5. 2011 USB/PS2 Bootleg hardware store controller 2, I thought I'd just get the same model but I couldn't find it and settle for this one, which I thought would be a cool bargain because it was also a USB controller (I still have it, it broke because the wires all fucked up inside and I couldn't open it because all the shell screws got STRIPPED

6. 2017 Bootleg POS1, my 2011 USB controller still barely worked over the years but it reached a point where the cables inside probably just snapped and it wasn't worth the hassle anymore, which meant buying this new one that still works and has pressure sensitive buttons, but the analog sticks are AWFUL. PRETTY MUCH DIGITAL BUTTONS

7. 2017 Bootleg POS2, a replacement for the previous one, except I wanted something that looked COOL and TRANSLUCID, it still works but unfortunately the analogs are TERRIBLE, though not as bad as the previous, and there is NO pressure sensitive buttons, making MGS2 IMPOSSIBLE to play.

8. 2021 H Model "Rio", during a trip to Rio I bought a 20$ reais controller off the street that I almost got MUGGED trying to get. "An Original Sony Model that I can Save!!!" - or so I thought. I worked so much on it it practically became the controller I Mengele or cannibalize it out of.

9. 2022 H Model "Sticky", during a visit to my cousins, I spotted a whole PS2 Slim with Component cables and 4 controllers (2 OG, 2 bootleg), which I've brought home to clean up and hope it works better than the previous one, or that at least it's broken in some other place, and I was WRONG. it was BROKEN THE SAME WAY RIO WAS

10. 2022 H Model "Yellow", I call it that because the face buttons were yellowed, while the previous one was because the analog sticks were "sticky", but that's about it, because other than that, IT'S STILL NONFUNCTIONAL THE SAME WAY RIO AND STICKY WAS

11. 2022 A Model "Ninety", a cannibalistic joke of a controller using parts from million different sources resulting in a complete shithole of a controller that's a mess to play with, and that's because I'm being extremely generous over whether it actually is an original, the analog sticks are mediocre, stiff and squeaky, the buttons are wobbly and sink into the shell, and every other part of this controller was probably ordered from ALIEXPRESS.